8 Parenting styles and why they matter

Parenting styles and their impact is so important, not just to have a method to the madness but as it actually plays a very crucial role in the development of your child's character and self esteem. With a little effort, right tools and reinforcement you can enable them to grow up to be the best versions of themselves, knowing their self worth, having confidence, right attitude and lots of compassion.

Every parent has a unique parenting style based on their own experiences growing up, seeing families around them and by learning while on the job, reacting to their child's behaviour and listening to their instincts and natural tendencies. While there are different types of parenting styles, no one fits perfectly to suit every family, the one for you may be a blend of what works best for you, your kids and their needs. Whatever you choose, be mindful to incorporate the best of each style so you and your kids benefit from it in long run.

Authoritarian Parenting

This parenting style is often referred to as dictatorial and overbearing. Parents set high standards, strict rules and punishments for breaking the rules with often no reasoning or explanation for punishments or questions from their kids. It is a my way or highway style of parenting where children don't have much say in their own lives, are expected to be obedient and disciplined.

Parents rarely show any affection or empathy and children may grow up to become rebellious with low self esteem, they may lack decision making ability, social skills and may often lie to avoid punishments or repercussions.

Authoritative Parenting

One of the most popular and globally accepted parenting style, that believes in balance between independence and boundaries for kids, allowing them room to explore, learn and grow. While the expectation for children to be disciplined and obedient is high, this style uses reasoning and explanations to teach children why something is better than the other.

Parents provide a lot of support and guidance to enable their children to do better and resort to positive punishment techniques to deter bad behaviour. Parents have close, nurturing relationships with their kids who grow up to become confident, trusting and responsible.

Attachment Parenting

This style of parenting focuses on physical attachment and needs of the child like prolonged breastfeeding, carrying the baby close to you in a sling, co-sleeping for a long time. Physical affection and lot of attention, patience and care from the parents to their young ones. Many believe this helps the babies cope with stress, fear, anger and other emotions and makes them feel very safe and secure with parents always around to tend to them.

On the flip side, it may not be very feasible long term when you need to get back to work or have a social life, doing things of your own. Kids may still want same amount of attention and physical love, emotional support, pampering and care which you may not be able to provide. This style may not be for everyone and especially not practical for busy / working parents.

Free Range Parenting

Just as it sounds, free range parenting is letting children be. They are given more freedom to choose in certain aspects of their lives like what sports to play, what to eat, or going unsupervised especially in public, teaching them independence and responsibilities at a much younger age. It is not to be confused with uninvolved parenting style where kids have no guidance or restrictions but rather a more structured way of letting your kids decide on things that matter to them.

Check your local laws as not all states allow this style of parenting where you could send you child alone walking down a street or shopping or riding the subway as you feel they are ready. Unsupervised parenting could have consequences in some countries and states. Also being ready is subjective, few parents feel a 10 year old is a grown up who can take care of themselves, stay home alone, order food and manage things while others may hire a babysitter or look for alternatives.

Research suggests it helps children feel more confident and get independent in doing tasks and pick responsibilities but keep in mind every child is different and some may need more hand holding and supervision before they are independent, so take their feelings in to account before pushing them to do things they may not be comfortable or confident in doing.

Helicopter or Lawnmower Parenting

Parents rush to rescue their kids, don't let them face even a tiny bit of discomfort or obstacles and are always around to save them. This style involves a lot of intervention in their kids life where it could start getting very overbearing for the child. Children often doubt their abilities, self worth and start to feel very dejected.

Even though the parents have good intentions, their love doesn't enable but disables the child. Children fear asking for help, grow up to be less resilient, live in self doubt and struggle making decisions in life. It makes your child believe that you don't trust in their abilities to get things done or solve their problems. Hear them out, offer help to solve their own problems, give them the right tools and guidance so their personality and confidence develops, don't push them aside and do it yourself.

Mindful Parenting

Being in the moment, not judging your kids but actually focusing on their issues and how to address them without losing your temper. It doesn't mean you have to give in to their tantrums or spoil them, rather pay attention to what is bothering them, take a step back and reflect inward to understand how your child feels and take into account your own emotional outbursts and reactions.

Mindful parenting is just assessing things in the moment so it doesn't involve any comparisons with other kids, their siblings or your own experiences as it has no reference being in the present moment. It helps your child open up to you, feel more confident and loved. Practice empathy, even in stressful situations avoid knee jerk reactions instead stay calm and allow room for your own emotions so both you and your child feel comfortable and confident in handling situations.

Permissive Parenting

Parenting style where parents rarely interfere, punish or set any expectations. They operate under the belief that kids will be kids and are very lenient and forgiving of their mistakes and bad behaviour. They act more like a friend than a figure of authority. They are not the same a neglectful or uninvolved parents as they have lot of love and interest in their child's life but do not enforce any rules or execute the consequences of breaking rules.

Children of such parents often feel clueless without guidance, they do poorly in school and later in life when need to function under authority. They also often rank low on social and emotional skills.

Uninvolved or Neglectful Parenting

One of the most detrimental forms of parenting where the child's basic needs like food and shelter maybe met but they get no guidance, oversight or any form of support from the parent. Parents are often unresponsive and dismissive of their children, they lack any interest in their kids life and what they are doing. The child will be on their own, free to do what they please, they have no rules, boundaries or direction from the parent. Uninvolved parents may not be doing it on purpose but could be on full time jobs, busy or have health issues that make them less available.

Many children don't get timely meals as parents neglect their kids as so tend to overeat when food is available. They grow up to be resilient and rebellious but do poorly in school, get into to trouble, pick bad habits as coping mechanism and some even get depressed. This is not a parenting style that any psychologist or expert suggest.

Children need constant support, love and guidance as they grow to teach them things, keep them out of trouble and to bring out the best in them. If you are busy or unavailable see if the grandparents can get involved as it is very common in many cultures for grandparents to provide the much needed oversight or hire someone to watch over while you are away.

Whatever your parenting style, keep in mind that they are just kids, learning, exploring and still very naive and full of questions. Give them the right environment to explore, learn and feel comfortable to come to you for anything and everything. With little patience and attention from your end they will blossom into the best forms of themselves.